Chemistry and Spanish and Life...

I remember well watching my brother work on his homework when he was in high school and I, a couple years younger, was still in junior high. I remember watching him learn the chemistry table and thinking to myself..."How will I ever be able to learn that? That looks sooo difficult. I actually don't think it will be possible for me." And then when I saw him learning the Spanish alphabet I had the exact same overwhelming thought. Of course my freshman year came. I learned both of those things just as my brother had done a couple years earlier. (And then I promptly forgot them but that is beside the point:) I did learn them. And it didn't even seem that hard in the process.

I have thought of this often in life. Especially lately... like yesterday when I ventured to the grocery store for the first time since Kaleah was born. Things have gone so well since her arrival and have been running so smoothly but I know that with Ryan still home and the kindness of friends still pouring in to help that the reality of having a newborn in addition to two young boys hasn't really set in yet. And I know it will. So, even though this has been a super smooth transition I, no doubt, am operating on less sleep and more hormones than usual and it causes me to think about "real life" and have thoughts like, "How will I ever prepare a meal for my family again---let alone a healthy one?" "How could I ever mother 5 children-or 6?!?-we better stop now!"

So, here is to remembering to look at what God has set before me today---not next week, not next year---today. And to believing that just like I am equipped and ready to do today because of His wisdom and grace and I will be equipped and ready for tomorrow when tomorrow comes...and the next day and the next.

A Bright Morning

...Kaleah's birth story (for those who wanted all the details of the birth:)

Each time I woke up last night I glanced at the clock. Partly to see how much sleep I-and the sweet baby nestled next to me- just managed to get before waking, but mostly to see what time it was so I could recall the events that were unfolding throughout the night exactly one week ago. In many ways it was the sweetest night I have ever known.

We decided early on to have a home birth. There were several reasons, but one of the primary reasons was to give Tyrus and Jayce the opportunity to be as involved in the process as they felt comfortable with. I had confidence with this decision. Besides the fact that I had great births with the boys which grew my understanding and awe of the natural process of birth and the way our bodies are created to do this, our midwife, who Ryan has know over half of his life, could instill confidence in the weakest of the weak. I know. She has done it for me. Many times. Not just in the matters of midwifery. And because that really is a whole post in and of itself I'll move on but for the sake of this story, I'll just say that Kim possesses vast knowledge and assuring experience and I feel very honored that she attended our birth.

Late last Monday evening I began to have contractions that were quite regular and seemed to be doing some good prep for birth. As they went on I got more and more excited-Ryan too. We both started buzzing around trying to get some things done. Ry did some laundry, I sewed a little and wrote in my journal wondering if this would really be the night we would meet our daughter. I thought it was ironic that even though it was still 2 weeks before my due date this was the day Ty had picked when we each guessed which day we thought the baby's birthday would be. After 4 hours of these contractions I decided to go to bed knowing that time would tell if Ty would indeed win at yet another guessing game.

I woke up in the morning-no baby. I was slightly disappointed and also glad that I could savor the anticipation a little bit longer. Besides, looking back, we did some fun things over the next 3 days that we wouldn't have been able to do together had Monday been the real deal. Like the library program, the circus, the pregnant belly photo shoot, and the pirate bath...(pictures to come)

As I went to bed Thursday night I texted Ry and told him I felt funny and that even though there were plenty of things I would like to do I was going to go to bed. He asked me what I meant by "funny" and I replied, "like I probably need to drink some water, rest or go to sleep and have a baby soon." I sure called that one. I lied down, fell asleep for a short time and woke up with a contraction that broke my water. The adrenaline laced excitement came over me like a flood and I texted Ryan at 1:10am. "You can come home now. Water just broke. I think its baby time." His shift ends at 2 am so I thought about telling him to stay but it definitely added to the excitement to have him come home early. I then called our midwife. Ryan was home by 1:30, Kim arrived by 2:30, and her apprentice arrived soon after that. The boys were sleeping soundly.

When labor sets in I get a little giddy and become focused at the same time. Which seems like an impossible combination. The adrenaline and anticipation for what is occurring drives me. This is why I love labor...the beauty and mystery is unmatched and it spontaneously unfolds until that babe is delivered into my arms and, in a flood of emotion, I feel the tiny body, hear the first sounds, smell the tender skin, and our eyes meet.

Over the next hour the ladies set things up and my contractions progressed in intensity. At one point Ry tried to wake the boys but they could not be roused. Around 3:30am Kim suggested she try to wake them so they could realize by her presence that it was no ordinary night. They came around the corner sleepily and there we all were-together-just as we had been planning for months. The tenderness of these moments is what the best technology can not capture. We talked, took pictures, Jayce apparently giggled at my coping techniques (Ry told me this later), Ty looked at books, Jayce helped me get a drink, they cooled me with washcloths on my face and neck. The pain did seem to be more intense than I recall it being with the boys. We had prepped the boys by telling them that mommy would be in pain but that pain was part of the normal and good process of birth. I do remember thinking several times about how I could not wait to have her in my arms and be resting in bed. Even still the process was peaceful and joyful.

And then it was time. Ry came closer to catch the baby. I supported myself with one hand and prepared to help catch with the other. And the baby came fast-surprisingly fast. In an instant her head-and entire body-landed into our hands and we froze for a moment. I remember Kim saying, "now bring her up." She helped us maneuver the cord and there she was, on my chest. One of the best feelings in the entire world. She cried. One of the best sounds in the entire world. I remember checking to confirm she was a girl. And there I sat-tears of relief and joy coming down my face showering her tiny body. Ryan and Kim helped me to the bed as I held her and there we cuddled, daddy next to us, brothers hovering all around for the next hour or so.

Jammi, Kim's apprentice, brought me eggs and a toasted bagel in bed. Ty got out his doctor kit which he had placed next to all our other birth supplies weeks ago in anticipation of this day. He did a full assessment with all the instruments from his bag. Eventually it was time to cut the cord and Ty volunteered to do so with the help of Jammi while Ry recorded it on video. Kim asked what we wanted to dress her in and with his sweet voice Ty said, "Now we can get her beautiful clothes." Kim then measured and weighed and checked her. She was 20.25 inches and 7 pounds even. Jayce helped get her dressed and then daddy finally got to hold her. Ty came into the room with the diaper cake from the baby shower which is adorned with bright pink flowers and ribbon and sang his own rendition of "Happy Birthday" to her. Then Jayce proudly took his first turn holding her followed by Ty. Around 8am, as if they were completely satisfied by the events of the past few hours, Ty and Jayce came one by one and sunk into bed next to me and peacefully drifted off to sleep. I went out and said goodbye to Kim who had cleaned everything up and completed her paperwork. I updated my facebook status, kissed Ryan and then I went back to bed, snuggled between my sweet boys and my brand new beautiful little girl and we all slept until noon. I woke up before anyone and cried tears of gratitude as I lay in the midst of these little people God has let us be the parents of. It was so perfect and memorable, just the way I had dreamed it.

It wasn't until the next day that we finally decided on her name---Kaleah Faith Moody. The meaning of Kaleah is bright. We are all in love with her and look forward to seeing all the brightness she brings to the world. She certainly has brightened our world already.

3 Things I need to hear...

Through some very random blog "hopping" I just landed on a blog that jumped right back out at me. I thought I'd participate. After all, I am 37 1/2 weeks pregnant and have begun to have, along with loads of positive emotions which I feel inclined to post about soon, some of the moodiness, fear, questions that can arise at this point in pregnancy. I also just spent a good portion of my day as the lone adult with 6 kiddos under 6 (ages 6,5,4,3,3, and almost 1 to be exact). And, I feel like I haven't really connected with my husband in a couple days. So, all that said, I could probably stand to take a moment and ponder 3 things that I need to hear today...

1-"you're not alone...faithful and true forever, My love will carry you" I believe this is Truth about who God is. I have seen it and experienced it myself. Now I just have to believe it for today. and tomorrow. for the little things. and the big.

2-your kids are remarkably forgiving and I WILL fill in the gaps (one of my consistent requests is, "God, fill in the gaps for these kids I love so much-in every area that I am not or can not be all that they need and desire")

3-take your vitamins and go to sleep-this too shall pass. Sometimes I am just not even thinking correctly. I never used to key into this but I am starting to see that sometimes I am not even thinking like myself for one reason or another-exhaustion, unbalanced hormones, etc. I have to turn off my head or at least not get too up tight about my thoughts at the time and tell myself I do not own the thoughts I'm thinking at the time.

ahhh, there, that was nice. There is nothing like a shot of Truth. Thanks, Rachel for the suggestion!

Ready or not...

After a very full, fun-filled day of being with family, friends and getting showered with gifts in anticipation of our little girl I am in some ways more aware than ever that our baby is coming soon. And in other ways I still feel completely unable to grasp it. It worries me a little that something that is so real and meaningful and close to me can still feel so unreal and distant. Yet, I have talked to other moms who have said the same thing and I remember feeling this way specifically before having Tyrus. Which is what prompted me to start writing tonight. Today Tyrus is three and a half. I cant wait to remind him of this in the morning because we have been talking about this but in the midst of all the busyness and excitement today, we failed to celebrate or even acknowledge his half birthday. And when I do mention it tomorrow, Ty's eyes will get bigger and his face will light up and he will surely respond with some sweet and dramatic excitement and Jayce will surely beam with pride and happiness for his brother. (Because half birthdays are a really big deal you know!)

What this means to me right now is that three and a half years from this very date I was sitting in a lazy boy in my bedroom, 39 weeks pregnant. And that night, after reading my Bible, I wrote these exact words in my journal as I thought about my coming babe and some of the things that had taken place in the recent days, "Jesus, I just want to thank you and acknowledge that I feel you have really been preparing me for Tyrus to come just as I asked You to and really felt I needed..." I went on about specific ways he had done this like the words from a friend who shared encouragement with me and house projects we had finished. Then I fell asleep and woke up in labor and just a few hours later Tyrus was in my arms. I marvel at this. I love that God readied my heart and mind and even my home in such specific ways for my second child to be born and that, literally moments after I acknowledged this in my journal, the birthing process was set in motion. And tonight I feel encouraged by remembering this, knowing that God will prepare me as I look forward to having my third baby too.

Buried Treasure

We, here in Southwest Michigan, have been consistently snow covered for the past 192 days now. (I'm not going to say that number is exact but it sounds about right:) And even more so tonight after at least 6 inches of fresh, new snow have fallen throughout the day. We did get a reprieve one day, a couple Sundays ago, when the temperatures rose high enough and the sun shined bright enough to give us a brief reminder at what lies under all the snow.

(one of the boys' favorite things to do with all this snow is pretend their "cars" are stuck and dig them out. And yes, Rach, if you are reading this, I am pretty sure this "game" was inspired completely by our fiasco trying to get up your hill:)

Anyway, as the boys played on this unusually warm day I wandered around and observed the grass-surprisingly green-peeking though. I glanced at our garden area and saw the few purposefully-forgotten carrot tops still laying green on the soil marking where the carrots are that we intend to use for our snowman creations. And other plants-like our lambs ear-peeking out, seemingly alive as ever, nearly caught me off guard as if I must think all that life and beauty is really gone forever, never to return once winter sets in. Its like how I've found myself in such awe and wonder and somewhat taken by surprise by the beauty, freshness, and faithfulness of spring the past few years when it returns. Like I thought it never would once I had come to accept winter. I love the parallel of the seasons as they relate to life...

This past week a quote that I once heard someone say (wish I could remember the details more clearly) has been playing over and over in my head..."God's got a lot of cards for you to play. You aren't going to play them all at once." There will be times when we "play certain cards" and leave others tucked away in our hand for another time. Then He will show us that it is time to pick up certain cards and play others. I know very well that there are things buried or hidden away in my heart right now that are very much a part of the person God made me to be and the purpose he has put on my life but for one reason or another they are just that at this time-seemingly buried or at least tucked away to be "played" at a later time.
Two of these things for me are adoption/advocating for orphans and missions. There are times when I am completely unable to see or feel the passion I know resides in my heart, and even more so-the heart of God- for both of these. This can, at times, cause me to feel fake, confused, or lifeless. Like I must be doing something wrong. I am sure so many factors could come into play here and I won't pretend to know why things that seems to be part of our reason and purpose in life can be "covered up" in our hearts at times or why there is not an urgency to "play that card" for a while. It is, in part, a mystery to me and I'll let remain so. I do think this could happen as a result of irresponsibility to do things that God has shown us to do. Or because we simply choose not to make them a priority and over time the urgency wanes and we begin to love other things more. But I also believe that our "snow covered passions" could be a result of God's unbelievable love and wisdom as He leads us through our days. Like God's way of whispering in our ear, "let it rest, it's not time right now, I'm doing something you can't see or understand." For instance, there are times when I have been convinced that, in the past few years of my life, if I identified as deeply with a love for orphans as I have in the past that I would carry it as an emotional burden instead of a useful, God-given passion. I was reading in my journal tonight and reminded about a time when Ryan and I were in foster parenting classes and as I sat there one day I saw, in my mind, a picture of a leaf lying on the ground. A slight wind blew and the leaf fluttered. In that moment I felt like God was showing me that my heart would be re-awakened in areas that have been still.

But anyway, until spring comes in full I'll remember what lies beneath the snow--- and in my heart. And I wonder (and would be interested to hear) about what is snow covered in yours.

Speaking of being buried, it seems that laundry inside is about as abundant as the snow outside. Only today it was such a different sight to see...

Yes, today I got to fold my first ever load of (predominantly pink) laundry for our baby girl! (Thanks to friends Amanda W, Stephanie, and Kayla for hand me downs and gifts!) Even Ryan mentioned how caught off guard he was to see pink in the lint trap:)

A Sweet Story

In late summer a baby was about to be born...So her mom and I planned a photo shoot to chronicle the beauty and anticipation of the final days of pregnancy. We started at the family's home and got a few shots with dad who was a real trooper in spite of being ill at the time. Here's my fav...

Then we headed to downtown Battle Creek where we met up with the baby's grandma (who by no means appears to be a grandma), took some great photos, and ended the evening with some chit chat at Claras on the River.

Now it has been 5 months since Story made her entrance into the world. Just days before Christmas when Story was almost 4 months old, we got together to capture her in all of her cuteness at this stage. My boys-especially Ty-were delighted to have her over! I am so happy for Luanne and Bill and their sweet little Story.

Winter Wonderland

I thought I had been sledding in my childhood but I was wrong. We did have tons of fun in the snow for sure. I have some of the funnest memories of the thrilling rides we took year after year on the wooden sled my dad made and pulled behind the kubota. And one year we built the greatest snow fort with tunnels you could crawl through. There were times when we would play on the frozen lakes behind our house. And, we did use our sleds to forge countless paths down the hill by our creek but I don't think I can call that sledding anymore. This winter season I learned about real sledding.

We have had some great snowfalls this year and Ryan decided that we needed to take to the hills. So a couple weeks ago, we-scratch that-they did just that. I was planning on joining in the fun but quickly realized upon arrival that it would not be in the best interest of our unborn daughter for me to attempt the hills. But they had a blast and I totally had a blast watching that...

Tyrus informed us that his favorite part was "this part." (waving his arm wildly up and down in the air) Yep, not surprisingly, Ty's favorite thing was all the bumps. You probably wouldn't get that same response from Ryan though, who left with a "fat chin" after "chin met sled" while zooming down head first. Even still, though he did brave the hill solo once, Ty preferred to have a partner.

AJ and Ty

Not Jayce, he seemed to be the other way around...

Jayce and Poppy racing...

turning...Jayce takes the lead and gets some air!

...crashing!

Mai showing her impressive snowboarding skills!

These were some real hills for some real sledding! And surprisingly, I never heard a complaint from the little guys about the trek back up to the top:)