Chemistry and Spanish and Life...

I remember well watching my brother work on his homework when he was in high school and I, a couple years younger, was still in junior high. I remember watching him learn the chemistry table and thinking to myself..."How will I ever be able to learn that? That looks sooo difficult. I actually don't think it will be possible for me." And then when I saw him learning the Spanish alphabet I had the exact same overwhelming thought. Of course my freshman year came. I learned both of those things just as my brother had done a couple years earlier. (And then I promptly forgot them but that is beside the point:) I did learn them. And it didn't even seem that hard in the process.

I have thought of this often in life. Especially lately... like yesterday when I ventured to the grocery store for the first time since Kaleah was born. Things have gone so well since her arrival and have been running so smoothly but I know that with Ryan still home and the kindness of friends still pouring in to help that the reality of having a newborn in addition to two young boys hasn't really set in yet. And I know it will. So, even though this has been a super smooth transition I, no doubt, am operating on less sleep and more hormones than usual and it causes me to think about "real life" and have thoughts like, "How will I ever prepare a meal for my family again---let alone a healthy one?" "How could I ever mother 5 children-or 6?!?-we better stop now!"

So, here is to remembering to look at what God has set before me today---not next week, not next year---today. And to believing that just like I am equipped and ready to do today because of His wisdom and grace and I will be equipped and ready for tomorrow when tomorrow comes...and the next day and the next.

A Bright Morning

...Kaleah's birth story (for those who wanted all the details of the birth:)

Each time I woke up last night I glanced at the clock. Partly to see how much sleep I-and the sweet baby nestled next to me- just managed to get before waking, but mostly to see what time it was so I could recall the events that were unfolding throughout the night exactly one week ago. In many ways it was the sweetest night I have ever known.

We decided early on to have a home birth. There were several reasons, but one of the primary reasons was to give Tyrus and Jayce the opportunity to be as involved in the process as they felt comfortable with. I had confidence with this decision. Besides the fact that I had great births with the boys which grew my understanding and awe of the natural process of birth and the way our bodies are created to do this, our midwife, who Ryan has know over half of his life, could instill confidence in the weakest of the weak. I know. She has done it for me. Many times. Not just in the matters of midwifery. And because that really is a whole post in and of itself I'll move on but for the sake of this story, I'll just say that Kim possesses vast knowledge and assuring experience and I feel very honored that she attended our birth.

Late last Monday evening I began to have contractions that were quite regular and seemed to be doing some good prep for birth. As they went on I got more and more excited-Ryan too. We both started buzzing around trying to get some things done. Ry did some laundry, I sewed a little and wrote in my journal wondering if this would really be the night we would meet our daughter. I thought it was ironic that even though it was still 2 weeks before my due date this was the day Ty had picked when we each guessed which day we thought the baby's birthday would be. After 4 hours of these contractions I decided to go to bed knowing that time would tell if Ty would indeed win at yet another guessing game.

I woke up in the morning-no baby. I was slightly disappointed and also glad that I could savor the anticipation a little bit longer. Besides, looking back, we did some fun things over the next 3 days that we wouldn't have been able to do together had Monday been the real deal. Like the library program, the circus, the pregnant belly photo shoot, and the pirate bath...(pictures to come)

As I went to bed Thursday night I texted Ry and told him I felt funny and that even though there were plenty of things I would like to do I was going to go to bed. He asked me what I meant by "funny" and I replied, "like I probably need to drink some water, rest or go to sleep and have a baby soon." I sure called that one. I lied down, fell asleep for a short time and woke up with a contraction that broke my water. The adrenaline laced excitement came over me like a flood and I texted Ryan at 1:10am. "You can come home now. Water just broke. I think its baby time." His shift ends at 2 am so I thought about telling him to stay but it definitely added to the excitement to have him come home early. I then called our midwife. Ryan was home by 1:30, Kim arrived by 2:30, and her apprentice arrived soon after that. The boys were sleeping soundly.

When labor sets in I get a little giddy and become focused at the same time. Which seems like an impossible combination. The adrenaline and anticipation for what is occurring drives me. This is why I love labor...the beauty and mystery is unmatched and it spontaneously unfolds until that babe is delivered into my arms and, in a flood of emotion, I feel the tiny body, hear the first sounds, smell the tender skin, and our eyes meet.

Over the next hour the ladies set things up and my contractions progressed in intensity. At one point Ry tried to wake the boys but they could not be roused. Around 3:30am Kim suggested she try to wake them so they could realize by her presence that it was no ordinary night. They came around the corner sleepily and there we all were-together-just as we had been planning for months. The tenderness of these moments is what the best technology can not capture. We talked, took pictures, Jayce apparently giggled at my coping techniques (Ry told me this later), Ty looked at books, Jayce helped me get a drink, they cooled me with washcloths on my face and neck. The pain did seem to be more intense than I recall it being with the boys. We had prepped the boys by telling them that mommy would be in pain but that pain was part of the normal and good process of birth. I do remember thinking several times about how I could not wait to have her in my arms and be resting in bed. Even still the process was peaceful and joyful.

And then it was time. Ry came closer to catch the baby. I supported myself with one hand and prepared to help catch with the other. And the baby came fast-surprisingly fast. In an instant her head-and entire body-landed into our hands and we froze for a moment. I remember Kim saying, "now bring her up." She helped us maneuver the cord and there she was, on my chest. One of the best feelings in the entire world. She cried. One of the best sounds in the entire world. I remember checking to confirm she was a girl. And there I sat-tears of relief and joy coming down my face showering her tiny body. Ryan and Kim helped me to the bed as I held her and there we cuddled, daddy next to us, brothers hovering all around for the next hour or so.

Jammi, Kim's apprentice, brought me eggs and a toasted bagel in bed. Ty got out his doctor kit which he had placed next to all our other birth supplies weeks ago in anticipation of this day. He did a full assessment with all the instruments from his bag. Eventually it was time to cut the cord and Ty volunteered to do so with the help of Jammi while Ry recorded it on video. Kim asked what we wanted to dress her in and with his sweet voice Ty said, "Now we can get her beautiful clothes." Kim then measured and weighed and checked her. She was 20.25 inches and 7 pounds even. Jayce helped get her dressed and then daddy finally got to hold her. Ty came into the room with the diaper cake from the baby shower which is adorned with bright pink flowers and ribbon and sang his own rendition of "Happy Birthday" to her. Then Jayce proudly took his first turn holding her followed by Ty. Around 8am, as if they were completely satisfied by the events of the past few hours, Ty and Jayce came one by one and sunk into bed next to me and peacefully drifted off to sleep. I went out and said goodbye to Kim who had cleaned everything up and completed her paperwork. I updated my facebook status, kissed Ryan and then I went back to bed, snuggled between my sweet boys and my brand new beautiful little girl and we all slept until noon. I woke up before anyone and cried tears of gratitude as I lay in the midst of these little people God has let us be the parents of. It was so perfect and memorable, just the way I had dreamed it.

It wasn't until the next day that we finally decided on her name---Kaleah Faith Moody. The meaning of Kaleah is bright. We are all in love with her and look forward to seeing all the brightness she brings to the world. She certainly has brightened our world already.