3 Things I need to hear...

Through some very random blog "hopping" I just landed on a blog that jumped right back out at me. I thought I'd participate. After all, I am 37 1/2 weeks pregnant and have begun to have, along with loads of positive emotions which I feel inclined to post about soon, some of the moodiness, fear, questions that can arise at this point in pregnancy. I also just spent a good portion of my day as the lone adult with 6 kiddos under 6 (ages 6,5,4,3,3, and almost 1 to be exact). And, I feel like I haven't really connected with my husband in a couple days. So, all that said, I could probably stand to take a moment and ponder 3 things that I need to hear today...

1-"you're not alone...faithful and true forever, My love will carry you" I believe this is Truth about who God is. I have seen it and experienced it myself. Now I just have to believe it for today. and tomorrow. for the little things. and the big.

2-your kids are remarkably forgiving and I WILL fill in the gaps (one of my consistent requests is, "God, fill in the gaps for these kids I love so much-in every area that I am not or can not be all that they need and desire")

3-take your vitamins and go to sleep-this too shall pass. Sometimes I am just not even thinking correctly. I never used to key into this but I am starting to see that sometimes I am not even thinking like myself for one reason or another-exhaustion, unbalanced hormones, etc. I have to turn off my head or at least not get too up tight about my thoughts at the time and tell myself I do not own the thoughts I'm thinking at the time.

ahhh, there, that was nice. There is nothing like a shot of Truth. Thanks, Rachel for the suggestion!

Ready or not...

After a very full, fun-filled day of being with family, friends and getting showered with gifts in anticipation of our little girl I am in some ways more aware than ever that our baby is coming soon. And in other ways I still feel completely unable to grasp it. It worries me a little that something that is so real and meaningful and close to me can still feel so unreal and distant. Yet, I have talked to other moms who have said the same thing and I remember feeling this way specifically before having Tyrus. Which is what prompted me to start writing tonight. Today Tyrus is three and a half. I cant wait to remind him of this in the morning because we have been talking about this but in the midst of all the busyness and excitement today, we failed to celebrate or even acknowledge his half birthday. And when I do mention it tomorrow, Ty's eyes will get bigger and his face will light up and he will surely respond with some sweet and dramatic excitement and Jayce will surely beam with pride and happiness for his brother. (Because half birthdays are a really big deal you know!)

What this means to me right now is that three and a half years from this very date I was sitting in a lazy boy in my bedroom, 39 weeks pregnant. And that night, after reading my Bible, I wrote these exact words in my journal as I thought about my coming babe and some of the things that had taken place in the recent days, "Jesus, I just want to thank you and acknowledge that I feel you have really been preparing me for Tyrus to come just as I asked You to and really felt I needed..." I went on about specific ways he had done this like the words from a friend who shared encouragement with me and house projects we had finished. Then I fell asleep and woke up in labor and just a few hours later Tyrus was in my arms. I marvel at this. I love that God readied my heart and mind and even my home in such specific ways for my second child to be born and that, literally moments after I acknowledged this in my journal, the birthing process was set in motion. And tonight I feel encouraged by remembering this, knowing that God will prepare me as I look forward to having my third baby too.

Buried Treasure

We, here in Southwest Michigan, have been consistently snow covered for the past 192 days now. (I'm not going to say that number is exact but it sounds about right:) And even more so tonight after at least 6 inches of fresh, new snow have fallen throughout the day. We did get a reprieve one day, a couple Sundays ago, when the temperatures rose high enough and the sun shined bright enough to give us a brief reminder at what lies under all the snow.

(one of the boys' favorite things to do with all this snow is pretend their "cars" are stuck and dig them out. And yes, Rach, if you are reading this, I am pretty sure this "game" was inspired completely by our fiasco trying to get up your hill:)

Anyway, as the boys played on this unusually warm day I wandered around and observed the grass-surprisingly green-peeking though. I glanced at our garden area and saw the few purposefully-forgotten carrot tops still laying green on the soil marking where the carrots are that we intend to use for our snowman creations. And other plants-like our lambs ear-peeking out, seemingly alive as ever, nearly caught me off guard as if I must think all that life and beauty is really gone forever, never to return once winter sets in. Its like how I've found myself in such awe and wonder and somewhat taken by surprise by the beauty, freshness, and faithfulness of spring the past few years when it returns. Like I thought it never would once I had come to accept winter. I love the parallel of the seasons as they relate to life...

This past week a quote that I once heard someone say (wish I could remember the details more clearly) has been playing over and over in my head..."God's got a lot of cards for you to play. You aren't going to play them all at once." There will be times when we "play certain cards" and leave others tucked away in our hand for another time. Then He will show us that it is time to pick up certain cards and play others. I know very well that there are things buried or hidden away in my heart right now that are very much a part of the person God made me to be and the purpose he has put on my life but for one reason or another they are just that at this time-seemingly buried or at least tucked away to be "played" at a later time.
Two of these things for me are adoption/advocating for orphans and missions. There are times when I am completely unable to see or feel the passion I know resides in my heart, and even more so-the heart of God- for both of these. This can, at times, cause me to feel fake, confused, or lifeless. Like I must be doing something wrong. I am sure so many factors could come into play here and I won't pretend to know why things that seems to be part of our reason and purpose in life can be "covered up" in our hearts at times or why there is not an urgency to "play that card" for a while. It is, in part, a mystery to me and I'll let remain so. I do think this could happen as a result of irresponsibility to do things that God has shown us to do. Or because we simply choose not to make them a priority and over time the urgency wanes and we begin to love other things more. But I also believe that our "snow covered passions" could be a result of God's unbelievable love and wisdom as He leads us through our days. Like God's way of whispering in our ear, "let it rest, it's not time right now, I'm doing something you can't see or understand." For instance, there are times when I have been convinced that, in the past few years of my life, if I identified as deeply with a love for orphans as I have in the past that I would carry it as an emotional burden instead of a useful, God-given passion. I was reading in my journal tonight and reminded about a time when Ryan and I were in foster parenting classes and as I sat there one day I saw, in my mind, a picture of a leaf lying on the ground. A slight wind blew and the leaf fluttered. In that moment I felt like God was showing me that my heart would be re-awakened in areas that have been still.

But anyway, until spring comes in full I'll remember what lies beneath the snow--- and in my heart. And I wonder (and would be interested to hear) about what is snow covered in yours.

Speaking of being buried, it seems that laundry inside is about as abundant as the snow outside. Only today it was such a different sight to see...

Yes, today I got to fold my first ever load of (predominantly pink) laundry for our baby girl! (Thanks to friends Amanda W, Stephanie, and Kayla for hand me downs and gifts!) Even Ryan mentioned how caught off guard he was to see pink in the lint trap:)

A Sweet Story

In late summer a baby was about to be born...So her mom and I planned a photo shoot to chronicle the beauty and anticipation of the final days of pregnancy. We started at the family's home and got a few shots with dad who was a real trooper in spite of being ill at the time. Here's my fav...

Then we headed to downtown Battle Creek where we met up with the baby's grandma (who by no means appears to be a grandma), took some great photos, and ended the evening with some chit chat at Claras on the River.

Now it has been 5 months since Story made her entrance into the world. Just days before Christmas when Story was almost 4 months old, we got together to capture her in all of her cuteness at this stage. My boys-especially Ty-were delighted to have her over! I am so happy for Luanne and Bill and their sweet little Story.

Winter Wonderland

I thought I had been sledding in my childhood but I was wrong. We did have tons of fun in the snow for sure. I have some of the funnest memories of the thrilling rides we took year after year on the wooden sled my dad made and pulled behind the kubota. And one year we built the greatest snow fort with tunnels you could crawl through. There were times when we would play on the frozen lakes behind our house. And, we did use our sleds to forge countless paths down the hill by our creek but I don't think I can call that sledding anymore. This winter season I learned about real sledding.

We have had some great snowfalls this year and Ryan decided that we needed to take to the hills. So a couple weeks ago, we-scratch that-they did just that. I was planning on joining in the fun but quickly realized upon arrival that it would not be in the best interest of our unborn daughter for me to attempt the hills. But they had a blast and I totally had a blast watching that...

Tyrus informed us that his favorite part was "this part." (waving his arm wildly up and down in the air) Yep, not surprisingly, Ty's favorite thing was all the bumps. You probably wouldn't get that same response from Ryan though, who left with a "fat chin" after "chin met sled" while zooming down head first. Even still, though he did brave the hill solo once, Ty preferred to have a partner.

AJ and Ty

Not Jayce, he seemed to be the other way around...

Jayce and Poppy racing...

turning...Jayce takes the lead and gets some air!

...crashing!

Mai showing her impressive snowboarding skills!

These were some real hills for some real sledding! And surprisingly, I never heard a complaint from the little guys about the trek back up to the top:)

Catching up is hard to do...

Now that we are back from our glorious trip to Florida I look forward to some catch up posts. Starting with some of my favorite photos from a session I got to do at the end of November. I actually did put this post off on purpose since some of these pictures were going to be potentially given by the family as Christmas presents and I didn't want to risk ruining the surprise for anyone who may receive one by posting them too early--- (since my blog is ever so popular and widely read-hahaha)!

I'm fairly certain that we snatched the last possible day of beautiful, semi-warm weather here in Battle Creek and I'm so glad that we took the opportunity when we did. Moving on to the lovely family who Ryan and I met nearly 5 years ago and have a ton of appreciation and respect for ...

from Kumquat to Cauliflower...

These days if you ask Jayce what we do on Tuesdays he will say, "Take out the trash and see how big our baby is." And that is exactly right. Every Tuesday we follow the growth of our baby according to http://www.babycenter.com/. They liken the size or weight of babies in utero to a different fruit or vegetable each week throughout pregnancy. And, this week our baby's weight, at 27 weeks, was compared to the weight of a head of cauliflower. So, during our weekly trip to Horrocks (our favorite store for produce), we picked up a head of cauliflower. But what made our trip this week was that we finally found KUMQUATS! Apparently just now coming into season, these little fruits have had us curious since week 10 of pregnancy. So we bought some. We found out none of us really care for them, but it was interesting to try a new thing.

The more I think about the process of a developing life, the more mind boggling God's handiwork becomes to me. In just the past 17 weeks our baby has grown from the size of that little fruit to being approx. 14 1/2 inches long. The miracle will never cease to amaze me.

And now if you hear a child in the grocery store saying, "I wonder which fruit or vegetable our baby is like now?" as my boys have, you'll understand why. On the other hand, why I allow my belly pictures to be taken on days when I have only had 4 1/2 hours of sleep and no shower, I do not understand:) ...

Here is a picture taken a month ago following "spaghetti squash week" :)